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5:48am December 8th]
I cant believe your gone dude,it only seems like yesterday
we were at the rinks playing hockey like good o'l days.
i dont understand why it had to be you.you deserved much better.
ill always remember you and have you in my thoughts.

Life is changing
I can't go on without you
Rearranging. I will be strong
I'll stand by you

(You were fighting everyday)
(So hard to hide the pain)
(I know you never said goodbye)
(I had so much left to say)

One last song
Given to an Angel's Son
As soon as you were gone
As soon as you were gone

I have a new life now
She lives through you
What can I do
Feel so alone now
I pray for you
We still love you

I can't believe you're gone

I can't believe
1 >>> CMNT

5:34am December 8th]
[ mood | crushed ]

R.I.P Jeremy Smith

One last song
I can't believe you're gone )
Given to an Angel's Son
(I can't believe)
As soon as you were gone
As soon as you were gone


3:17am November 20th]
[ mood | good ]

So yeah i love my taurus after all the shit it went through just trying to get home.
for some reason as soon as i hit 95N goin to oakland,the streets were underwater and i was like wwwttffff and the water was pretty deep and i see a couple cars stuck wit the hazards and i was like man i do not wanna be in that situation.Of course those cars are racing,lowered cars so they had no chance lol.
it was the worst condition iv ever driven in,i mean i finaly found 95-S and basically it was a 35-40 mph bc it was soo hard to see..it was scared and nervous.
im just  glade i made it home bc that was intense..last thing i wanted was my car to get stuck in the middle of the water in the middle of nowhere..i duno what id do.
anyways im home and showered and glade to be home.

so yeah i got the schedule today and guess whos workin Thanksgiving night folks,yes thats me..i just happened to be the 1-3 selected to work thanksgiving night from 4-12:30am..someone was being a scrooge!..i asked my supervisor to work the AM shift and Friday bc i have tickets to the Penguins and Panthers game and i paid alot of money for that so regardless,im goin to the game.

im gonna start my own nudice colony..i tried to do that once at my house and it ended up just being me being naked


5:38am November 18th]
[ mood | calm ]

im listening to the new Thrice cd and its just soo amazing..lyrics and the melodic sound and aggression in Dustin's voice..it really mellow's me out

its 5:30 in the morning and my mom just woke up bc she has work and told me to go to bed but then i said no you go to bed..so yeah.
Today was kinda boring,nothing really happened..i got to meet my friend Arielle for a little bit..shes pretty cool..her golden retriever is soo cute lol..its a puppy and his name is Rescue? lol..
im off today from work too and i think its pay day! score..

I know one day, all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn
and all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes

1 >>> CMNT

4:22am November 10th]
[ mood | blank ]

highlight of my day at work.
first this old guy who comes to check in and yells as if yelling is his way of talkin normal.
calls christi a dumbass to my manager (lol) doesnt pay anttention to her givin him directions to his building what happens,he calls for directions and who does he get? he gets me lol.


ME:ok sir what building are you lookin for?

old guy:404a!!

Me:What building sir??


Me:well sir i cant help you if i dont know what building your goin to


Me:oookk so are you in the Heron or sandpiper building

old guy: I DONT KNOW!

Me: *fucking idiot* *runs to front desk to find what building* ok sir your in sandpiper 2

old guy: WHERE IS THAT!?

Me: Down on bonaventure and take a right on Blatt blvd


old guy: ok i see heron 1 and 2

Me: ok so you should see Sandpiper 1 n 2 coming up

old guy: NO I DONT SEE IT!

yeah so it took me 15 mins to help this guy find his building who for some reason couldnt find a big set of pink buildings on his right..what happens next,the houseman who helped with his luggage calls over the radio and says the room is Dirty and we're like oh shit thats the old guy's room and bust out laughing!

4 >>> CMNT

11:55pm November 6th]
[ mood | annoyed ]

i havent slept in 24 hours and i have some girl who i dont even know and doesnt know me saying i love you and hased to hear my voice and keeps asking me you dont like me?..wtf!!!? i need to get out of florida bc this shit is whacked!
their is only one person i care about have feelings for and we've actualy been friends for a year.

1 >>> CMNT

6:02am November 5th]
[ mood | blank ]

yeah so here's my not so exciting day.
work was fucking gay as well..first off i didnt wanna be their..im still depressed over not being in Ca anymore and the fact im back in Boring Fl and the mix of ppl calling and bitching didnt help at all either..to sum it all up,it was a bad day..
me and my friend brandon went to muvico after work and wanted to see Jarhead
so i had to pick up my brother at his friends house and gooo home,change and be at muvico in time for the 12:15 show which wasnt gonna happen bc by the time i picked up my brother,it was like 12:10 so we were deciding if we should even go but i duno what happened and said Fuck it,lets go so we get their,buy the tickets..oh shit i just remembered,i forgot to pay brandon back for the movie bc he had his student ID and got the student discount OPPS! ok back the story,we get in and i notice it says 12:50 and im like whoa wtf,we look at the ticket and says 12:50 and we're like OMG! sawweeeet!! haha but yeah it turned out to be a dissapointment bc it was such a slow movie,i mean it was interesting and funny but i mean,they didnt even get one kill,ONE KILL!..only time they got a shot was when the celebrating over the fact the war was over and started shooting THATS IT!! thats all the gun/war action you get in the whole movie..
oh well.
well its 6am,i think im still stuck in California time bc its like 3am their and id actualy be sleepin by that time..i miss it their =\

1 >>> CMNT

4:36am November 4th]
[ mood | depressed ]

so im home unfortunatly..i got a couple hours sleep,not much and just hung around at the house just
rememberin everytthing that happened..i couldnt believe that i actualy got on a flight by myself and went to
california..im sooo happy i went bc i met the most amazing person in the world and shared some awesome memories
from walkin jester the first day and almost losing him at the park lol to goin to the Ducks game and seein them win everynight.
this whole experiance has kinda changed me,i duno how but i dont feel the same..im not as happy anymore in Fl..i completely changed bc before i left,i liked it in Fl but of course my dream was to live in Ca and live near the ducks and find that someone who was like me,Ducks fan and Hockey fan and i think i found that person but i doubt she feels the same..boy hope she doesnt read it eekk but oh well,its how i feel but shes like my best friend and i cant wait to see her again and go see the Ducks together..Who knows,maybe my next trip their will be
a move over their,its something i reallly wanna do bc iv learned Fl isnt for me and for some reason Ca fits my style and
i duno,its hard to explain but im just soo happy their and its a whole new place,totaly different feeling i get in Fl..
i wont tell anyone if i decide to go or not but if i do end up finding a school their,you will know but i wont say anything about it..
ugh i seriously dont wanna be here rite now,im more depressed bein here..i wish i could be at kelly's house watchin her talk to ppl online and going on myspace and readin old conversations we had and our VERY first convo we had lol.
this isnt something ill get over quickly,maybe not even get over completely.

well im babling on and ur probly not even readin it but thats my whole California experiance!
it was the time of my life! and definitly plan on goin back veryy soonn!

6 >>> CMNT

4:19am November 4th]
Nov 2nd-it was my last day in Ca and i was pretty sad and depressed pretty much the whole day..i had to check out
at the hotel and then kelly's sister picked me up and went to starbucks and i took a article from the sports section
about the ducks win against the predators and took it home..ill probly put it on my wall hehe.
so kathleen took me to the mall which is right across the street from her school so i walked around the mall for like an hour and a half.
i bought the new Thrice cd(amazin cd) and then i went to Pac Sun and bought some cologne..the store clerk was from Ft.lauderdale and she said she liked it better in Fl then Ca and i was like WANNA SWITCH!?!? haha..So i kept walkin around,it was a nice place and i came across a pet store and it was soooo cool! they had all these little puppies,they were so cute..i had my eye on these two Sabirian Huskies which were puppies and their sooo cool and their eyes are amazin then a guy comes up next to me and hes like yeah can you believe their a thouand dollars each and i was like omg!..their soo worth it tho! haha.i wonder how they handle In Fl heat,probly not good lol.
so kathleen picked me up and went to pick up kelly at school and went this mexican place which was sooooo AMAZING!! haha it was called chipoles..i dont think i spelled it right,ill haved to ask kelly the right spelling but its like a subway and ask what u want and want with it but its 100x's better then Subway or taco Bell..the burritos are HUGE! they puc rice in it,chicken,mild and tomatoes..it was soo good!
after that they took me to Laguna Beach which was like 15 mins from where they live..its soooo beautifull over their! with all the house on the hills and the beach was amazing,big sand area and the water had little waves and the sun was goin down and it was nice and cool..
its basicaly like a old town area with alot of shops and restuarants and salon shops..its really small town area but reallllyyy nice!.

after that,went back to the house,chilled for a couple hours before i had to go.me and kelly were watchin the kings game(booo!) for a littlle bit and then started watchin Laguna Beach haha,it was wierd watchin it and sayin i was their! lol and the like Jester was in a big playfull mood and like kept wanting to play but his idea of playin is alot of biting haha,i was literaly being attacked! haha but i love jester,hess so cute!  but the moment i didnt want to come had to come and we left the house and i wasnt in much of a talkative mood bc i was really sad(still am) and i saw the airport and i was like ugh,got out and thanked her parents for everything and then to Kelly which was really sad..i went and waited in line for a couple mins and out of nowhere i look to my Right And ITS KELLY!! i was like OMG!! haha i was sooo happpyy!! my face like lite up! and stood by me until i got my boardin pass and waited outside and talked for like 15 mins before her parents came around to pick her up and that was the toughest goodbye iv had to say bc im seriously gonna miss kelly(still do) and i didnt wanna leave her or Ca hated the fact i was goin back home!.

waitin at the gate,they were playing Ryan Cabrera's  Truth and  i was like uggh my god,it didnt help at all..i was soo depressed.
flight left at 9:20pm JetBlue and watched tv all night,fell asleep for like 10 mins then finaly landed at 5am and got picked up by my mom.

4:08am November 4th]
nov 1st-kelly's sister picked me up and went to kelly's school but earlier she tried to see if i could go to school with her and spend the day with her their but they didnt allow visitors which was gay bc i wanted to see how school was their and how ppl are but o well..kelly had a tennis match but she wasnt startin
so she was able to get out early and went home,hung out for a little bit and ate dinner before the game that night.
It was my last game and i was really sad bc i was gonna miss it so much.
we got their and the ducks were playing the Nashville Predators and Paul Kariya was playin for the Preds who used to play for the Ducks his whole career and everytime he touched the puck,we booed as loud as we could haha it was soooo much fun! the whole place was booin and it was just soo fun booin his little sorry ass.
predators took a 1-0 lead but thats ok bc Ducks came back and won the game 4-1!! Chris kunitz Scored his FIRST CAREER NHL GOAL!!! and I SSOOOOO! called Hedstrom that game and what happens!? HE SCORES!! haha am i just that good? damn! haha.OH OH! me and kelly were put on the Jumbo-Tron TWICE!! haha we both like freaked out,we're like OMG!! and she was like hiding haha and i was like wavin my hands everywhere,it was soo awesome AND THEN! we got in it AGAIN! haha this time kelly was expectin it and waved and i was pullin my jersey out in front representin! haha it was the highlight of the night!
goin to the games with kelly was soo amazing,i couldnt ask for a better person to be with at the games then her,she's so awesome.

Me and kelly at the Ducks and Preds game!
1 >>> CMNT

4:00am November 4th]
OCt 31st(holloween) kelly's mom and dad were working and her sister kathleen was at school but kelly
had teacher planning day so she didnt have school so i walked over to her house from the hotel which only took me like
20 mins i think..it was a nice walk and it was really warm out but not like Fl where you would be drenched in sweat,its just
dry and hot which wasnt bad..i get their and kelly's two friend chelsea and nicole pick us up and go to Regal and we went
to see Saw ll which was soooo good and really freaky haha..after the movie,chelsea's mom got pizza and picked us up and went to their house and ate and then her and nicole dressed up in costumes and me and kelly went as our selfs haha and went trick or treatin around the area and got some candy and just hung around at chel's house after..i had alot of fun hehe.
after that me and kelly just chilled at home until i had to go back to the hotel.

3:49am November 4th]
Oct 30th-it was an early Gameday as we went to the Ducks and Phoenix game which had this whole holloween theme goin which was really cool but before i hung out with kelly at
the house for awhile and went with her mom to her candle display andh helped set up some chairs for a little bit
and then kelly and her dad took me to In and Out for the first time lol..it was actualy realllyy good.better then that mcdonalds shit.
it was soo wierd haha,kelly ordered the healthy burger i guess u call it and instead of the buns,they put lettuce replacing the burger buns which i thought was really cool lol.that was a first..their burgers were really good and can you believe you start off at 8.50 working their?!?
i was shocked! thats how much i make at the hotel! insane
yeah so we went to the ducks game AGAIN! woo! haha kelly sooo jinxed Petr Sykora bc he spent most of the time in the penalty box
but i SOOOOO called! andy mcdonald who scored 2 goals! THANK YOU! haha kelly thought that was so awesome so yeah they won AGAIN! 3-2 and our seats were pretty good,great view of the whole rink tho and we basically like walked around the whole rink from the chair area haha.
so later on that night,kelly had a date with The Hives aka Kyle = \ so me and her sister went to like 4 different grocery store to find
my favorite ice cream which i finally did! geez it must be like famous their something but i finally found it! it was fun tho
then went back to the house,ate some ice cream and helped put some virus programs kelly's sister lap top.then kelly came back from her date at the movies and chilled and then they took me back to the hotel.

3:39am November 4th]
Oct 29th-My friend Erin from San Diego came and visited with her friend jessica..they got lost in the beginng
which sucked BUUTT they made it to the hotel haha but it was awesome gettin to meet her and hangin out.
we went across the street and ate at Baja Fresh which was really good but i didnt realize how big their burritos were lol.
that definitly filled me up for the day.
so after eating,we went back to the room,chilled and we all talked and then out of nowhere,Erins dad calls screaming wonderin where his
car is after she told him where she was goin and so she had to leave unfortunatly so we said byyee and took pictures and then
kelly's mom picked me up and went to STaples and she got some stuff and went to walmart to buy film for my camera.
went to kelly's house and got to see Jester!! haha hes sucha awesome dog except when he bites! lol .
so we went to this place called The Islands which is a pretty cool restuarante,i only got a coke bc i was still full from
the burrito earlier.
then we went across the street to the Regal cinamas where kelly and her sister work at and we basically got free slurpies! and pop corn thanks to kelly! =) and haha it was so awesome,we like talked to the head security guy lucas the whole night,it was awesome
then took some pictures on the foto fun machine haha,ill never forget that night!

We're such Retards! i fuckin love it!
1 >>> CMNT

3:27am November 4th]
wow what an amazing week this has been..definitly one of..no wait,definitly the best week in my life!
lets start
oct 28th-flew to Long Beach,Ca.got to the airport at like 5:45am for my 8:55 fight which was orginaly scheduled for 6:45am
which sucked bc the earlier i could leave,the quicker i could get their but i didnt wait so long..I Flew Jetblue which is now my favorite Airline,freakin best in the world with the Satelite tv screen rite in front! it was awesome watching tv for like 5 hours lol.
so Kelly's(best friend i was visiting) parents came and picked me up at the airport which was reallllyy old and small..we had to walk outside to get into the place.
got picked up and it was awesome gettin to know her parents,they were really nice.went to cosco,dropped off some film i took of the hurricane so i could show ppl then went to the hotel and checked in which was a really nice hotel for a cheap price IMO.it was a single King size with tv,couch and chair,microwave,refridgerator and a nice bathroom.
After about an Hour,kelly's mom picked me up,went to pick up kelly at school! then went to Togo's for lunch which was really good
and just awesome seeing kelly! shes ridiculously amazin!.
so Later on that night,we planned on goin to the Ducks game which i could not wait! i was flippin out! haha..we went to her cousins house which is reallly nice(their rich) her cousin and 2 other friends tagged along and drove us to the game in their Porshe SUV which was nice but her driving wasnt haha..we get to the game and im like in heaven,i couldnt believe i was at the Pond!..i got to sit in the front row right next to the  goal judge which was awesome..they won the game which was awesome! 6-4 i was happy

1:51am October 5th]
[ mood | stressed ]

no matter how hard i try,it'll never go my way.
i mean i dont know why i let my feelings get the best
of me..it makes me feel like shit if nothing good happens.
i actualy tried a new approach and took it slow and casual.
scratch that off the list.
fuck it..i dont care about girls anymore..nothing ever happens
so fuck relationships bc the ones i want,i wont ever
have a chance with.wont ever happen.
id rather be alone then try and fail everytime.
and i hate livejournal too.
im goin off on everything so im gonna go to bed

7 >>> CMNT

1:41am October 3rd]
[ mood | curious ]

yeah so i took my car to north port this weekend
which was the farthest iv ever taken it but it'll
be equaly matched when i go to Orlando in the future heh.
it was fun tho..got to see my friend luis.
hung around his parents house,went to a italian place to eat.

it made me miss having a gf bc they havent seen each other since he left
in july it was awesome seein them happy together and i was like,man
i miss that.

hopefully something will happen..im just gonna let things happen
on their own.if it happens then awesome but if it doesnt then
its like a song on repeat..

I slip another smile in your pockey.my heart is racing to you like a rocket


4:25am September 30th]
[ mood | lonely ]

so its 4:15am and i gotta wake up at 7am for work.

then i gott drive 2 1/2 hours to north port..im gonna be fuckin dead by then.

i love it when u like someone they dont like u back but ppl u dont like,like you..should be the other away around.

im still waiting for a sign.

im off to sleep..i probly wont have access to a computer this
weekend so leave nice comments or messages on here or myspace.hopefully one of em is
from you


4 >>> CMNT

3:44am September 29th]
hahah woow
soo umm i havent written in this in ages..its wierd
umm am i even on anyone's friends list anymore?
haha probly not which im not suprised
im bored and i haved to work tomarrow
anndd im goin to North Port friday to hang out wit my
friend Luis whos coming back from college from D.C
cant wait.
3 >>> CMNT

11:50pm May 25th]
[ mood | depressed ]

well high school is over and im sure everyone will be talking about it,how could they not.i remember
sitting in my math class the first day of High school in the portables at like 7:30 in the mourning,
now its over just like that..its still kinda of a shock,like man its over! what do i do now.
at least they have good stuff to say and have something to look forward too.]
me? i dont have anything to look forward too..im probly the only one that doesnt know
where their going or if they'll ever get a chance to go anywhere..i wish i could be the
many of kids proudly saying where their going..
i wont be able to walk this year,technically i can but for a stupid paper saying
i completed high school..fuck that,if im gonnna walk,its gonna be for a high school
diploma..im probly a huge disappointment to my parents..i mean its probly their dream in life
to watch their son walk in graduation..if only i could give them that gift..
and no i got all my credits,all 24..why u say im not graduating? one word,Fcat..yeah im
the stupidest kid in the world,dont be afraid to say it to me,i already know i am and a
failiar..19 years of school down the drain just bc of one stupid test..i would of said fuck High school
if i knew this was gonna happen..basically a waste of time i guess..
good luck to everyone and have fun to where ever your going and come visit when your in town,im not goin

4 >>> CMNT

2:10am May 25th]
[ mood | blank ]

I tried so hard And got so far
But in the end It doesn't even matter
I had to fall To lose it all But
in the end It doesn't even matter

3 >>> CMNT

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